Straight from the Township of Montclair’s website:
Santa’s Mailbox
Kids can mail a letter to Santa and will receive a personalized letter in return.
Letters can be mailed to:
SANTA CLAUS
205 Claremont Ave.
Montclair, NJ 07042Letters may also be dropped off at the PRCA office. Please remember to include a return address.
NO LETTERS AFTER DECEMBER 17
Presented by the Montclair Parks, Recreation and Cultural Affairs In conjucntion with the Montclair Fire and Police Departments, & B.I.D.
OK, kids, here’s your chance. Let’s see your Letter to Remsen Santa. What do you want in your Montclair stocking? Historic designation for the Marlboro Inn? Valet parking at the high school? Having your leaves picked up by Christmas? All you have to do is ask.
Best letter to Santa wins a Barista mug or t-shirt!
Dear Santa:
I’ve been a good boy. Please help Baristaville secede from Essex County and become part of Wessex County, right next to Pavement Narrows, Gateway to the Little Musconetcong Watershed! Where property taxes are low (and where school budgets haven’t passed in 15 years!) Where the Marlboro Inn would still be serving Bud by the pitcher! And where the deer problem would be solved by muzzle-loaders and bow hunters!
Dear Santa,
I was hanging out in our local online chatroom The Waterpitcher and I noticed that you came up in a few posts. I thought you should know.
– Right of Center
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I have done the numbers and they don’t add up. If there are 9 reindeer and according to the National Institute of Useless Facts a reindeer takes up approximately 8ft by 3.5ft or 28 square feet. The reindeer, depending on the harnesses used need an additional 8 square feet of space around them. The sleigh (although no one has ever actually seen it – why is it being “hidden” ?) takes up by my calculation about 96 square feet. So 9 reindeer (Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph) times 28 square feet plus 9 reindeer times 8 square feet (harness and space) plus 96 square feet for the sleigh amount to about 460 square feet! I have spent considerable time surveying the roofs in town (at my own expense) and most are pitched with various flat planes intersecting. The average size of a flat section of roof is 420 square feet. WHERE are all these reindeer going to go? Why has the council not done anything about this? I have a map and no one can explain to me how this is gong to happen. Has the council given this guy a sweet “back-room” deal?
sincerely,
Parky Spacer
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I applaud Santa’s use of a sustainable mode of transportation. In my day we used to ride sleigh’s down valley road! But I do have one issue with the portly gentleman, I wish he would hand out something other than coal to the naughty. I was reading in the Unte Reader the other day how Sulfur Dioxide is on the rise in Montclair and this is no doubt due to lots of the Naughty taking their Christmas Coal and burning it in their fireplaces. Perhaps Santa could hand out something symbolic but sustainable in the future. p.s. thanks to Kris for the Reindeer dung compost, my garden loves it!
Wyle E. Patrice
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Has anyone noticed that Santa is really called “Saint Nick”? That his suit is RED? That he clearly runs his own successful non-union business in a rural area and has a traditional wife? I bet he has a rifle strapped to the back of his sleigh! He is clearly a Traditional Values Red State REPUBLICAN! Take that you Libs – NEEEAH, NEEEAH!
Richard O’Cromagnon
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Where does this Santa Person get his toys anyway? We all like to think there are nice unionized, happy elf workers getting fair-trade living wages and benefits. But, what seems to appear under my tree every year seems to be the same old mega corporation Walmart junk made in some sweat shop in Malaysia. I am outraged! How can citizens of this town allow a fat, Red-State type who calls himself a “saint” to slip down their chimneys and deliver this crap? I am sure it is a plot by the developer Grablovker to lull the citizens with toys and trinkets to keep us distracted from his evil plans to destroy Montclair and turn it into Grablovkerville – clearly the Mayor is in on it!
Whiny McMaiway
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Whiny,
Aren’t you being a little harsh? After all Santa has been doing this for sometime, LONG before the Mayor took office or Grablovker started developing. There is no evidence of any ‘evil plans’. Come on – lighten up.
Somme d’Raison
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Pitcheristas,
We have removed Mr. d’Raison’s post because it was overly harsh and critical of Ms. McMaiway’s well reasoned post. He offered no evidence that there is NOT a conspiracy. It is important to remind everyone of the Waterpitcher posting rules. While it is perfectly acceptable to cast aspersions, innuendo and unsubstantiated claims of corruption or malfeasance regarding underpaid town employees, elected (in office) officials, local developers or non Waterpitcher members, any criticism of Waterpitcher members, ex-council members, or the CD’s (Censorious Despots) will not be accepted. We hope that you will agree that in this way we can build a supportive community which respects the thoughts of the few.
the CD’s
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The above post is satire and fiction, The events and characters depicted are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.