Is it not enough that poor Montclair has to deal with parking problems and inn issues? Now, the town has a problem right out of the horror genre: giant geese that defecate every seven minutes!

Well maybe the geese pooping all over Edgemont Memorial Park aren’t exactly giant, although they are called Giant Canada geese. And they’re not exactly Canadian either. According to Montclair Parks and Shade Tree Superintendent Kevin Ward, quoted in the Montclair Times today, the fowl are actually indigenous to New Jersey.

Oh, wait. We’ve got it. Water! That’s what these cretinous waterfowl are after. Let’s fill in the pond at Edgemont and build a nice little shopping mall there. Or houses! Yeah, that’s the ticket. Let’s keep the inn and let Plofker pave over the park….

7 replies on “Giant Pooping Geese: Call Alfred Hitchcock!”

  1. Plofker should round up all the giant Canadian geese, feed them all they want, and then let them loose on the Marlboro Inn property (heck, inside the inn). Then no one will want to preserve that thing.

  2. Mmm, cooked goose.
    Foie gras.
    All from the free-range geese at Edgemont Park.
    This holiday, let’s feed the homeless while ridding the park of these pesky geese.

  3. Yeah, David, and while we’re at it, let’s rid the community of all those pesky SUVs and children!

  4. If we could convince the geese to all become developers I am sure that they would eventually all leave of their own accord in disgust.

  5. That’s it! Let’s make Montclair one big wetlands preserve. This way it will be off limits to developers.

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