April Fools!

Taking notes from the success of this months Glen Ridge Kitchen Tour, the Montclair Center BID is giving locals another opportunity to experience the extravagance of downtown Montclair living in their first annual Downtown Montclair Bathroom Tour.

toilet2 “If you think that Glen Ridge is the place to be for opulence when you ‘gotta go,’ then you are in for a surprise and a treat,” said BID director, Jerri Freed. “You haven’t really gone if you haven’t gone on a Downtown Montclair toilet.”

Proceeds from the tour will be used to pave a special pickup lane for Hillside dads. Tourists will be taken through the bathrooms of various apartments along Bloomfield Avenue, some even with the consent of the renters.

“Yeah, I think it’s really weird that my landlord is making me allow a bunch of weirdos in my bathroom,” said one lucky renter on the tour, Richard Grabowskee. “For ****’s sake, though, can y’all at least leave my toilet seat down?”

The tour kicks off tonight, starting at the bathroom of yours truly, pictured above. See you there!


12 replies on “Plenty of Oohs, Aahs and Unghhhs: A Seat At Downtown Montclair Bathroom Tour”

  1. Festivities include tickets to an unclogging contest between bottles of Drano and Liquid Plumber. Bring your stop watch.

  2. All kidding aside, this seems like an accurate documentation of downtown Montclair in all of its “former glory.”

  3. Not going to lie, a little disappointed with today’s material. So many opportunities to rip on Montclair and its inept leadership were passed up. From crime, to taxes, to our massive debt problem.

  4. This assumes that if the private sector did it on their own, the entire effort would be flush with cash.

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