DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

The popular Montclair Film Festival (MFF) runs from April 28 to May 7 — 10 days! Does any other festival last as long?

Sincerely,
Cinema and Pa

Yes — the never-ending MOADTOONBATTPWTNDSAMOTSWHHCSBCDDCTCIGRF (Montclair Officials Allowing Developers To Overbuild On/Near Bloomfield Avenue to the Point Where the Next Director Shooting a Movie On That Street Will Have Her Camera Smacked By Cars Driving Downhill, Catapulting That Camera Into Glen Ridge Festival).

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

You might consider joining Acronyms Anonymous. What film would you like to see at a future MFF?

Sincerely,
Moe Shunn-Picture

Something with King Kong hanging from The MC hotel’s roof, flinging sushi rolls into the fuel tanks of cars after Delta service-station attendants twist off the gas caps.

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Ape has hobby! Getting back to overbuilding, we learned at the April 25 Township Council meeting that Montclair code enforcement needs six more full- and part-time people to handle all the new construction. Thoughts?

Sincerely,
Developers Profit, Taxpayers Don’t

Certainly puts a dent in new ratables. Now, every movie I see set in a crowded downtown is a horror movie — even Charlie Chaplin’s “City Lights.” (Columnist watches YouTube clip, screams in terror.)

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

What about the allegedly more enlightened current Planning Board approving a plan April 24 to replace a historic, 1906-built Pleasant Avenue house with EIGHT houses?

Sincerely,
Octet Offensive

The 1906-born movie actor Eddie Albert co-starred in a TV sitcom — “Green Acres” — with a title that sadly describes Montclair less and less. And King Kong will fling maraschino cherries through the windows of those eight ugly homes.

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Is another king — of the State Senate — playing political games with the requirement that students take the Pearson-produced PARCC test to graduate?

Sincerely,
The Boss Baby

Seems that way. Senate prez Stephen Sweeney co-wrote an April 20 letter against that ridiculous requirement, but won’t allow a Senate vote to end it! Maybe he wants a role in “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Pearson Money.”

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

A number of people, including Montclair residents, admirably drove many miles to Sweeney’s office on April 20 to protest a Senate vote not being allowed. Comment?

Sincerely,
The Highwaywomen

So undemocratic of Sweeney the Democrat after the State Assembly voted overwhelmingly to ditch the PARCC exit requirement — giving Assembly members cameos in “Harry Potter and the Order of the Trenton.”

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

New Jersey’s legislature is considering a bill that would help fund library renovations, according to an April 25 email from Montclair’s library. Reaction?

Sincerely,
Book Those Upgrades

Great! We don’t want libraries looking like the landscapes in post-apocalyptic films library borrowers see on DVD.

 

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Also on April 25, a San Francisco judge ruled that Trump can’t withhold federal funds from immigrant-protecting sanctuary cities. Does our Township Council now feel a bit foolish about its cautious February vote to make Montclair a “welcoming” rather than “sanctuary” community?

Sincerely,
Hugh Manity

“We’ll always have Embarrassed.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

That “Casablanca” line ends with PARIS, you idiot! Hey — am I detecting a movie theme in this column?

Sincerely,
Holly Wood

By the time the Board of Education picks a non-interim superintendent, people might be watching “Boss Baby XII: The BOE Years.”

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.