DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
I’ve heard that buses haven’t had many passengers in Montclair, but I saw many bus passengers last Thursday, June 24. What should I believe?

Sincerely,
Where the Seats Have No Name

You’re confusing DeCamp’s recently returned commuter buses with the joyful Project Graduation buses packed with members of Montclair High’s Class of 2021. As for what you should believe, your religion (or lack of) is your own business.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Reminds me that an agnostic is someone who’s not sure atheism exists. Speaking of vehicles, a car caravan is scheduled to motor through Montclair this Saturday, July 3, as a sort of substitute for 2021’s canceled July 4th festivities. Good idea?

Sincerely,
Declaration of Indy Penance

Yes. Great that the caravan will honor front-line workers and other people and organizations that have helped get our town through COVID. There’ll even be antique cars, including the 1789 Tesla driven by George Washington to his first inauguration.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
“First in war, first in grease…” Or maybe that was Washington’s auto mechanic. What do “The Father of Our Country” and Montclair’s late baseball icon Yogi Berra have in common?

Sincerely,
Catcher in the Wry

Not much, because I don’t recall Washington saying “The Revolutionary War ain’t over ’til it’s over.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Actually, they’ve both appeared on U.S. postage stamps — in Yogi’s case, starting a week ago on June 24. Anything else in common?

Sincerely,
Adhere Today

Berra and Washington both had many RBIs — runs batted in and routed British infantrymen.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
I love the look of the new Yogi stamp, with its blue and white Yankee colors. Meanwhile, there’s been a STAMPede of bidding wars on Montclair homes as COVID first raged and then receded. What does it all mean?

Sincerely,
House of the Rising Sum

It means housing prices are getting so high they are sadly accelerating the decrease in our town’s economic and racial diversity. The “diversity” of rich and richer ain’t real diversity.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
In other news, just two of Montclair’s three municipal pools are open for the season so far. Can you offer three reasons why Essex Pool is closed, with one of those reasons bogus?

Sincerely,
Nishuane Jane and Mountainside Clyde

1) It’s harder to social-distance at Essex Pool’s smaller site. 2) A national chlorine shortage has left only enough of that chemical for two local pools. 3) The first initials of Essex Pool and nearby Clary Anderson arena spell “cape,” and Superman’s cape might clog pool drains when he swims.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Yes, even comic-book characters need to cool off during scorching weather like our town had this week. Do any fantasy superheroes swim at the Glen Ridge Country Club?

Sincerely,
East of Eden (if Montclair is Eden)

Only one: Affluentman.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,
Your thoughts when the Project Graduation buses drove around town to the cheers of parents and other spectators before heading to a venue where Montclair High’s Class of 2021 would deservedly celebrate?

Sincerely,
Magic School Buses

I was thinking that after four consecutive columns with a full or partial commencement theme, I’m going to need new ideas. I call it Project Adaptation.

 

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.