DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

With the September 9th start of Montclair’s 2021-22 academic year less than a month away, masks will be required in all school buildings. Why is that a good idea?

Sincerely,

Murphy’s Message

1. COVID isn’t quite gone, with the Delta variant of particular concern. 2. All students under 12, and some students and adults above that age, aren’t vaccinated. 3. Wearing a mask while singing “September” gives that tune an especially warm tone.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Earth, Wind & Fire?

Sincerely,

Shy Ning Starr

Nice list of school supplies; I hope Montclair Stationery has all three.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

There’s a virtual town hall tonight about the reopening of schools in our district. Why does August 12 have a special local meaning?

Sincerely,

The Date U Give

On that day in 1492, Christopher Columbus arrived on the Canary Islands during his voyage to “The New World” and hatched his plan for Christopher Street and Columbus Avenue to intersect in Montclair.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

At the town hall, we expect to hear again that Montclair schools next month will be in-person with no hybrid anymore. Do most of us want such an approach?

Sincerely,

That’s the Buzz, Etc.

Yes, yes, yes — unless the Delta variant gets much worse here during the next few weeks. Prius owners aren’t happy with the no-hybrid plan, but they can switch to tricycles.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Don’t you drive a Prius?

Sincerely,

Toy(ota)s R Us

I do — until September, anyway. In the meantime, I’ll visit a tricycle dealership in Montclair to buy a trike with three-wheel drive, sunroof, and a 24,000-inch limited warranty.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

If you take the “M” from Montclair High, the “a” from Bradford, the “s” from Hillside, and the “k” from Bullock, what does that spell?

Sincerely,

Build Back Letter

“Mask”! Or “ontclair High,” “Brdford,” “Hillide,” and “Bulloc.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Do the missing letters from those four schools have excused absences?

Sincerely,

Healthy But Stealthy

They asked for doctors’ notes, but their physicians don’t play musical instruments.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Or perhaps those MDs were too busy treating COVID patients who didn’t vaccinate?

Sincerely,

No Needle and the Damage Done

Actually, there’s lots of sensible vaccine compliance in Montclair, though I wish there were even more. And residents know that wearing masks isn’t scary, except on Halloween.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Which costumes would scare you most when greeting trick-or-treaters at your Montclair door this October?

Sincerely,

Verified as Terrified

To burnish their Trump taint, many far-right Republican governors are opposing mask-wearing and are not pushing for vaccinations as COVID hospitalizations soar in their states. So, I’m most scared of trick-or-treaters dressed as Texas or Florida.

 

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.