DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Out Montclair, the LGBTQ organization founded this year by Councilor-at-Large Peter Yacobellis, will hold its first Montclair Pride festival next June. Comment?

Sincerely,

Event Horizon

Many are greatly looking forward to it! More proof that our town is as welcoming a place for LGBTQ people as Provincetown, where nearby whales understandably dis Captain Ahab on social media.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Speaking of literary references, could you celebrate the planned 2022 festival by mentioning novels that include LGBTQ characters and then somehow relate those books to our town?

Sincerely,

Diction About Fiction

I can. Baldwin Street reminds me of James Baldwin and his 1956 novel “Giovanni’s Room” featuring a gay Italian bartender who misses Nauna’s even though that now-defunct Montclair eatery hadn’t opened yet.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

O…kay. What about the lesbian-themed 1973 novel “Rubyfruit Jungle” by Rita Mae Brown?

Sincerely,

That ’70s Book

Ms. Brown’s novel title has two words, evoking 07042; and her name has three words, evoking 07043. That author also writes mysteries, and it’s a mystery to me how I’m going to continue the theme of today’s column.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Your column certainly won’t be as funny as Colette’s hilarious “Claudine at School,” which has a bisexual protagonist. Why haven’t I seen Claudine at Montclair High this month?

Sincerely,

Maybe a Claude or Two

Because the novel was published in 1900, and it’s now 2021. Your question was annoying, but at least you won’t sing “Gigi” at today’s and Saturday’s Montclair Jazz Festival events. Very grateful.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

The minutes spent hearing that cringe song always feel like “The Hours.” Speaking of “The” novels, doesn’t Jonathan Franzen’s “The Corrections” include an LGBTQ character?

Sincerely,

Not a Prison Prism

Yes, the chef Denise — whose culinary skills would make her welcome at any Montclair restaurant. But I’m not sure a fictional character can work at a factual eatery; direct-depositing her salary would be tricky.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Another “The” novel, Alice Walker’s “The Color Purple,” includes a relationship between Shug and Celie. How many Montclair women are named Shug?

Sincerely,

The Count of Montclair Cristo

I think it’s zero, according to the 2020 Census. The 2020 Shenshus might tell a different story.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Did Diana Gabaldon’s gay “Outlander” character Lord John Grey live on Gray Street in Montclair?

Sincerely,

Time Travel Trope

You are “Fifty Shades” of wrong.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

While she didn’t directly spell it out in her “Harry Potter” books, author J.K. Rowling has said Dumbledore was gay. Will Hogwarts’ headmaster attend the Montclair Pride festival in 2022?

Sincerely,

The Wizard of Odds

Next year IS the 25th anniversary of the first “Potter” novel — as 2047 will be the 25th anniversary of our town’s new festival.

 

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.