DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

The suspended township manager is reportedly demanding the huge sum of $1.2 million to step aside. Comment?

Sincerely,

Victimizers Can Play the Victim

How DARE he try to call the shots. Fire him immediately and give him just one thing beyond the high pay and benefits he kept getting after being put on leave way back in October — the song “Go Now.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Performed by The Mountie Blues…um…The Moody Blues. Why should the manager “Go Now”?

Sincerely,

Obvious Question Guy

Two women sued him for allegedly creating a hostile workplace, and two other women formally accused him of the same. Even most Montclair math teachers would agree that two plus two equals one…ouster.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Are Montclair officials afraid the manager will sue and cost the town lots of money to defend against a legal action?

Sincerely,

Attorneys Not at Tierney’s

Take that risk. Besides, the manager has been accused of having problems working with women, and the word “sue” evokes a female name, so…

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Are those elected and unelected officials also scared he has dirt on them?

Sincerely,

This Mud’s For You

Perhaps some have “skeletons in their closets” — as well as bumper stickers saying “I Brake for Township Managers.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Speaking of braking, the last day of DeCamp’s commuter bus service to and from New York City is tomorrow, April 7. Will there be any alternate bus service after that?

Sincerely,

Let’s Get Wheel

In an alternate universe, the numbers of the 66 bus would be flipped to become the 66 bus.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

You don’t say. Will NJ Transit buses cover some of DeCamp’s schedule starting this Monday, April 10?

Sincerely,

The Replacements

Yes, exactly 98 years after “The Great Gatsby” was published on April 10, 1925. That novel ended with the immortal line “So we beat on, buses against the current, borne back ceaselessly to DeCamp’s 1870-founded past.”


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Seems like you rewrote that line a bit. What about Boxcar?

Sincerely,

Cats Prefer Boxes Over Cars

Contrary to rumor, “The Great Gatsby” and its affluent characters were the creations of F. Scott Fitzgerald, not F. Scott Fitzboxcar.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

I understand your confusion because, while it’s good that Boxcar is offering bus service to replace DeCamp’s routes at certain times, Boxcar’s fares for the fancier vehicles it uses are a bit steep for the less affluent.

Sincerely,

Upscale, Upscale, and Away

Yup. The Chatham-based company is calling its new service the “Essex Express,” and I was hoping for a steep discount if I could say that name five times fast.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Try it.

Sincerely,

States the Judge

Okay. “Essex Express…um…Ethics Excess…um…Essie Empress…um…Ezra Egress…um…Edgar’s Egg Mess.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

You’ll be paying a surcharge. Turning to cars, a social media post from Councilor-at-Large Peter Yacobellis says Montclair will get many new “P” signs to direct drivers to public parking. Thoughts?

Sincerely,

Gimme Shelter

Seems like a good idea, and I’m glad the “P” on the signs doesn’t stand for the unctuous Pecksniff from Charles Dickens’ 1844 novel “Martin Chuzzlewit.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Why in the world would you think the “P” was for that character?

Sincerely,

Nick Nickleby

While Chuzzlewit’s fictional U.S. travels didn’t include an official visit to Montclair, he could’ve briefly stopped in town for Mesob’s vegetarian sampler and to suggest that DeCamp be founded 26 years later. He had “Great Expectations” for bus service.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Interesting that today’s column mentions two novels with “Great” in the title, yet the column itself is not “Great.”

Sincerely,

Alexander Avenue the Great

Aw, shucks, I’m a sucker for flattery. And for trivia: Dickens died in 1870, the same year DeCamp was born!

 

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.