DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

May 8-12 is Teacher Appreciation Week, and it’s also the season for teacher “toasts” held via the Montclair Fund for Educational Excellence. How will today’s column celebrate all that?

Sincerely,

Mark Ing-Talent

There are many exceptional educators in all 11 Montclair public schools, so I will spell out positive teacher-related messages using the letters in each school’s name.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Can you give us an example of how that will work?

Sincerely,

Show and Tell

Bradford teachers’ “Broad range and determination facilitate outstanding results daily.” The first letters of each word inside the quote marks combine to spell “Bradford.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

A bit clunky but I get your drift. Bullock’s elementary-school teachers?

Sincerely,

Washington Street Pete

“Brilliantly unleash lotsa lessons on classroom kids.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Better. Buzz?

Sincerely,

Visit from the Moon Squad

That middle school’s teachers “Build up zestful zeal” for learning.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Additional alliteration alert: Edgemont educators?

Sincerely,

Geese van der Rohe

“Every day growing enormous mountains of nifty teaching.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Some creative backsliding there. Glenfield?

Sincerely,

Staple on Maple

“Great learning extended nicely from intrepid educators looms daily.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Awkward. Hillside?

Sincerely,

Where There’s a Hill There’s a Way

Its teachers are “Highly intelligent laborers leading students in designated endeavors.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Educators at Montclair High School, aka MHS?

Sincerely,

Chestnut of a Place

“Many Highly Skilled.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

The excellent teachers at Nishuane?

Sincerely,

We See Cedar

“Not ignoring student homework undertaken amid nighttime evenings.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Got a bit redundant at the end there. The motto of Northeast teachers?

Sincerely,

North by Northeast

“Never overlook reinforcing the heady excitement attached to subjects.”


DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Hey, that spells Northeats, not Northeast.

Sincerely,

Edgar Allan Typo

Painstakingly writing this column is making me hungry.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Speaking of the name Northeast, don’t forget the Northeast Earth Coalition’s Eco-Fair this Saturday, May 13. Anyway, Renaissance?

Sincerely,

Ocean’s Eleven Letters

Yikes! Too long a name. Suffice to say the teachers there are as good as those at Montclair’s ten other public schools despite Renaissance being set in the 14th through 17th centuries.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Oh, I thought it was set on North Fullerton Avenue. Watchung educators?

Sincerely,

Gauri on Garden

“Wonderful at teaching classmates hovering under nimble geese” flying from Edgemont Pond.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Your inspiration is obviously ebbing. Why? Because you’re distracted and worried about the $5.5 million in cuts the school district says it has to make in the 2023-24 budget!

Sincerely,

Empty Brain Syndrome

Yup, meaning I’m glad I don’t need to come up with a spell-out message for a 12th Montclair public school. That creative effort would have been “Steeper by the Dozen.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

A nod to 1948’s famous “Cheaper by the Dozen” book about a Montclair family. Before you go, can we be “schooled” a bit about the proposed 2023 municipal budget up for a vote this Tuesday, May 16?

Sincerely,

Crosby, Stills & Cash

VERY irksome is the reported 7.5 percent increase for a fire department whose chief was recently sued by Black firefighters over credible allegations of racism. Is this 2023 Montclair or 1948 Alabama?

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

And wasn’t it said before the renewal of Montclair’s agreement providing fire services to Glen Ridge that our town had all the fire-department staffing and equipment it needed?

Sincerely,

We Saw a Bad Deal Rising

Sounds familiar. Plus that renewal was so monetarily favorable to Glen Ridge that one could call the Montclair negotiating team a “Foolishly led entity eagerly capitulating each day.” As in “Fleeced.”

 

 

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.