MontClairVoyant: Good Parade Follows Bad Parade of Court Rulings

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

It’s hard to feel patriotic when the U.S. Supreme Court issued far-right rulings on abortion (in 2022) and on race, LGBTQ rights, and student loans (this summer). Comment?

Sincerely,

Political Hacks to the Future

Montclair’s wonderfully inclusive July 4th parade was more truly patriotic than anything connected with The Year of the RAT (Roberts Alito Thomas).

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Don’t forget the other three Supreme Court reactionaries: Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Coney Barrett. All chosen by the shameless criminal Trump, and all young enough to remain on that court until…

Sincerely,

Grieving That They’re Not Leaving

…Montclair’s July 4th picnic in 2048, when today’s Edgemont Park geese will return to that park for a 25th-anniversary visit — flying in from their Delray Beach retirement condos.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Speaking of anniversaries, the excellent Montclair Diner celebrated its 100th birthday on June 24. Wow?

Sincerely,

Centennial for Perennial

Incredible to think of any eatery being around that long. Long enough for Ben-Hur to have stopped his chariot near the diner in 1923, only to find that the parking meter didn’t accept Phoenician shekels.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Bummer. Speaking of money, the Montclair Fund for Educational Excellence reported that the recent teacher toasts raised a nice $32,596 for teacher grants. Do you have a further statistical breakdown?

Sincerely,

Not-Hidden Figures

Thirty-five toasts across eight schools, with 725 supporters, and a whopping 123456789 — oops, I was just testing the numbers on my laptop keyboard.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Unlike the letters, those numbers are in order. I mean, what’s with the QWERTY thing?

Sincerely,

Gertie Questions QWERTY

It certainly confused Thomas Jefferson when he was keyboarding a Declaration of Independence that emphasized MEN — Mountainside, Essex, and Nishuane pools, I assume.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Swimming in those pools was welcome this month as the weather turned hotter and more humid, even as rain and thunder closed the pools at certain times. What do you think?

Sincerely,

Chlorine Jean

I think Montclair news often slows down during the summer, which explains why I’m struggling to fill this column. I might even squeeze some caulk into my computer.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

That’s a very destructive thing to do. As 10,000 Maniacs sang, “Don’t Caulk”!

Sincerely,

Nat A. Lee-Merchant

The song is “Don’t TALK,” and even caulking a computer wouldn’t be as harmful as the six far-right Supreme Court justices — including Samuel Alito, formerly of a town (West Caldwell) a coincidental six miles from Montclair.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Do those justices remind you of a passage in “The Great Gatsby” novel available in Montclair’s libraries and bookstores?

Sincerely,

Got F. Scott

Narrator Nick Carraway might have been speaking of those six “injustices” when he said, “They smashed up things.” Even beyond what the capable Town Auto Body on Grove Street could fix.

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Baristanet.