MontClairVoyant: Not-Too-Long Column About Short Council Meeting

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Tuesday’s Township Council meeting lasted less than two hours even though some previous TC meetings dragged on for more than five hours. Can you explain that?

Sincerely,

In the Quick of Time

I can’t explain that despite extensive research, including listening to the Rush song “Time Stand Still” and watching “The Hours” film…simultaneously.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Pitifully hoping for a repeat of the famous “Dark Side of the Moon” album/”Wizard of Oz” movie sync-up? Scarecrow said: “Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking” — and column writing.

Sincerely,

I’m Floyd But Not Pink

“Oh, what a world! What a world!” Of online insults.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

A major reason for the TC meeting’s relative brevity was the relative brevity of the public comment period. Was that partly because many parents were too busy with the start of the school year to attend the meeting?

Sincerely,

Full-Sked Ahmed

Could be. Also, September 12 was the 794th anniversary of the Aragonese army’s 1229 disembarking in Mallorca, meaning many Montclair residents were home solemnly marking that occasion.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Fewer random Wikipedia facts, please. Also unusual: both at-large TCers were not at the September 12 meeting. You won’t burden us with a dumb quip about those two men being “at large” from the Council Chambers, will you?

Sincerely,

Please Don’t

Those two men were “at large” from the Council Chambers.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

You’re SO annoying. Anyway, one thing that came up at Tuesday’s meeting was the interim township manager and the mayor saying our municipal government responded well to the June 1 cyber attack. Is that true?

Sincerely,

Hack to the Future

Maybe or maybe not, but it does seem like the system should’ve been better protected to prevent the attack from succeeding in the first place. After all, “28.35 grams of prevention are worth 453.59 grams of cure.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Gee, your metric-system version of “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” is so pithy. I understand insurance is covering the $450,000 ransom Montclair paid to halt the attack?

Sincerely,

Rita Meter

“You’re in good hands with Allmunicipality.”

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

The actual slogan is “You’re in good hands with Allstate,” you idiot.

Sincerely,

And in Good Feet, Too

Until every insurance company gets a GEICO-like gecko, I have nothing to add on this topic.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Anything to add about other digital matters mentioned at Tuesday’s meeting? The interim manager said a new municipal website is launching in November and an online system for Open Public Records Act requests is starting in October.

Sincerely,

All This Fall

Montclair’s responses to many of the many OPRA requests have been glacial (even before the cyber attack), so we’ll see if this new online system helps a problem that isn’t just a technology problem. What may not change is some elected and appointed officials perhaps wanting the township clerk and some department heads to slow-walk some OPRA responses, which doesn’t set a good example for Montclair High’s runners.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Shorten your answers, fella. Speaking of sports, do you get the impression that the wonderful, voter-approved, $188-million project to fix and upgrade our schools and school properties might have somewhat prioritized at least one athletic field?

Sincerely,

Grant Woodman

If true, not the way to go — and I say that as a former high school athlete and as a parent of a current Montclair High athlete. Education should come first. Or, rather, second behind watching cat videos on YouTube.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

At the start of the school year, there was a problem with some students not getting bus assignments. Your theory about that, please.

Sincerely,

Keeping Things Wheel

Was that problem a weirdly perverse tribute to DeCamp’s quite-imperfect, now-defunct New York City commuter service? My answer — “no” — is even shorter than Tuesday’s TC meeting.

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Montclair Local.