DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Who did you vote for on Tuesday, November 7?

Sincerely,

None of My Business

I voted for my cat, who was running for King of the World, despite that feline sticking hundreds of campaign yard signs into my sofa cushions.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

That reminds me: Did inundating Montclair with yard signs help the three incumbent Board of Education candidates win on Tuesday?

Sincerely,

Saturation Manifestation

Didn’t hurt. The trio’s yard-sign budget must have been…interesting. And maps of Essex County now picture our town’s 07042 and 07043 sections with the new names of Yard Signs and Upper Yard Signs.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

That’s news to me. If all those yard signs were laid flat and stacked atop each other, how high would they reach?

Sincerely,

Al Titude

They’d reach the distant Delta Quadrant on the far side of the Milky Way, where the yard signs would be seen by the lost “Star Trek: Voyager” crew as they try to return to the Alpha Quadrant to attend the next Board of Education meeting.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Although they weren’t the three BOE candidates you preferred (you voted for the trio not running on slates), the incumbents obviously hit upon a winning campaign approach — and congratulations to them. Anything to add?

Sincerely,

Slates Avenue

It might be tricky for the Voyager spaceship to turn into the George Inness Annex parking lot from North Fullerton.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Are congratulations also in order for a Montclair couple — Alixon Collazos-Gill and incumbent Brendan Gill — who won General Assembly and Board of County Commissioners seats?

Sincerely,

Wed to Winning

Yes, congratulations are in order as well as in alphabetical order. The band New Order? Never listened to them much.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Ask me if I care. Speaking of winners, Montclair High’s football team has a state final game tomorrow, November 10, after edging Watchung Hills 24-21. Thoughts?

Sincerely,

Field Goal of Dreams

Kudos to the team, even though I have VERY mixed feelings about football due to its violent and injury-plagued nature. Also, I didn’t know Watchung Elementary School had hills.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

It doesn’t. In other news, Montclair Safer Streets launched a petition calling for…safer Montclair streets. Comment?

Sincerely,

Roads Scholars

The group has a point: Our town needs fewer motorists speeding (increased ticketing would help) and more speed implementing the “Vision Zero” plan to reduce traffic deaths. This less-speeding/more-speed thing is not a contradiction — unlike the Cadillac Contradiction, a luxury sedan with cardboard doors.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

That car’s doors would come in handy for elementary school projects. Which reminds me that Watchung Elementary School in Montclair is NOT Watchung Hills Regional High School in Warren.

Sincerely,

Ms. and Mr. Obvious

What do you expect from someone who voted for his cat to be King of the World when that feline (like other kitties) is King of the Universe.

Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about politics and local events are strictly his own and do not represent or reflect the views of Montclair Local.