My conversations with my 7-year-old daughter inspire me in unexpected ways. Our most recent chat was about Kim Kardashian filing for divorce.
As an adult, I do indulge from time to time in the train wreck that can be reality TV. There’s something soothing about these women with millions of dollars of diamonds, dripping from every place a diamond can drip from, having a really bad day. But when it comes to our kids, is a reality star/public personality like Kim Kardashian a negative role model? Especially for our daughters?
YES. I hear Baristaville shouting over pumpkin spiced lattes.
It starts when they are babies, or even before they are born. Do we paint the room pink or blue? Do we make them take dance class or sign them up for sports? I tried to let my daughter decide for herself. And as she grew and became aware of the things around her, she decided what she was attracted to. It turned out my daughter is a girly girl. So I gave in to her cute, sweetness. As a 3-year-old she attached herself to a Disney princess. “Oh boy,” I thought, “here we go.”
The magic of the fantasy is well, magical at age three, but my concern was for later. As my daughter grew up, would she hold onto that perfectly marketed fantasy or see reality for what it is?
We started experiencing weddings. First a neighbor who had a big, over the top Jersey wedding. For my daughter it was all about the dress! This spring, the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton in England was a must see. We set our alarms and had tea and English muffins for breakfast at 5:00 am. This wedding seen around the world was historic and traditional, something to entertainment us Americans. Yet, historically we know how well many royal marriages fared.
And most recently we watched Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries get married on TV in “Kim’s Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event.” Even the name gives me hives. I eloped in Paris, and while exciting, these kind os wedding events are just not of interest to me. But my daughter absorbs every detail, because it is everywhere. The cover of newspapers and magazines, all over the television and internet–the over produced fairytale is ever present.
My daughter received a People magazine as a gift from a far away relative, so she could see all the wedding stuff. And that’s when the conversations of reality TV vs. real life began.
“When I get married can I get a ring like that?”
“No, we cannot afford it.”
“Then I want big diamonds dripping from my forehead.”
“Uh, I don’t think so.”
“Oh yeah, my husband is gonna be rich, just like them.”
“Great…best of luck dear.”
Is my daughter thinking Kim K’s wedding is available for us to give to her? Do elementary school girls aspire to be like Kim Kardashian? I have heard she has a driven work ethic, but do you think she is angry at bank bailouts? Or angry because her hair extensions fell out? I do not want to burst my daughter’s bubble, but these scripted, filmed, detailed, extravaganzas make my job as a mom a little tricky.
The numbers are mind blowing: a $2 million engagement ring, 3 Vera Wang gowns, Wolfgang Puck as a caterer, $15 million of this and $10 million for that. All for just 72 days of marriage. I’m sure there’s an elementary school in Calabases or Santa Barbara that could utilize a new library, gym or cafeteria.
If you have a daughter you know that we parents must approach such topics, gingerly to maintain calm. A human quality extremely lacking in such television programming. My daughter and I speak about pretend and movies and TV and our life as a family. I point out such details like–I do not wear Louboutin shoes to Whole Foods. My daughter counters, “You’re a yoga teacher and wear clogs all the time!” Touche’.
I explain to my daughter that relationships are hard work. And we mommies and daddies promised to work hard in our vows at our weddings. Similar to her Girl Scout promise. We take care of each other when we are sick, we help each other budget our money, and we forgive each other when we do silly, crazy, stupid things. We are kind and respectful and most of all we love each other through it all. Especially when we are frustrated, when the garbage doesn’t get put out and smells, and the dishes pile up and or when someone leaves their clothes on the floor. We still love each other and work it out as a family.
“Oh, I get it,” my daughter commented, “just like you and Daddy.” I beam with pride and surprise.
My daughter explains to me that Kris Humphries is not nice to Kim Kardashian because she saw the commercial. “Maybe Kim picked the wrong boy to marry,” she added. Apparently, I scream in my head.
I have friends, like many of you reading this, who do the extremely difficult work to save their marriages. They forge ahead, often with professional assistance, unsure of the future. Some survive the long haul, but some do not. Did Kim and Kris discuss their differences and how they may compromise to build a life together?
I often feel it is important to be in the same room and converse with my husband. Apparently, my daughter has noticed. It appears, according to reports, Kim and Kris were often not spending time together. I have always strived to be a good role model for my daughter. A responsibility that scared me during pregnancy. Yet, I persevered and tried my best.
For all our children, my hope is they stay curious enough to observe and make some good choices in their lives. I’m sure there will be another “spectacular” wedding in the news to chat about before they’re old enough to make that consideration.
For now we watch the drama of others in the public eye and wear our clogs to the yoga studio–together as a family.
Melody Lima, is a yoga teacher in and around Montclair and a mom who enjoys sharing through writing.
(Photo:Wikipedia)